Feelings

Today, it has been 4 weeks since I started taking the Wellbutrin, and honestly, I don't feel any different. I know that it can take up to 6 weeks to feel the effects, but I'm really annoyed. I have felt so bad for so long, I was hoping that by now, I'd start to feel something. I still struggle every day to get out of bed. I still struggle to get things done, and I still have a feeling of hopelessness. I don't want to go out and do things, I want to just stay in my pjs, lay in bed and watch tv all day.

And to top it all off, I can't wake up. I have been so incredibly tired for the past week. I want to sleep, but even when I do, it's not enough. I've had this problem before though...just another symptom of depression. It blows.

My sister was here for the past two weeks almost, and went home last Friday. I so enjoyed having her here, but now I just miss my family more. Brian and I celebrate our 10 year anniversary next week, so that means I've been away from them for 10 years! I would love nothing more than to live closer. Not necessarily in Idaho, but close enough that we could drive to see them without it taking days and days. I hate that my family doesn't get to see my kids grow up. They get pictures and maybe a trip once a year, but they miss out on everything. I miss them. My heart aches because I miss them so much. I don't know how to take that away either. Sometimes I just want to be able to talk to my mom face to face, and have a shoulder to cry on. It would be nice to take my kids over there during the day to play so I could get a break. I want them apart of their lives and it makes me sad that this is the way it is. And I can't change it either. Brian said he'd move if he had a job that paid the right amount of money, but his idea of the right amount is insane and probably will never find it. It's irritating and depressing.

Anyway, I just woke up with a lot on my mind today. I'm hoping this week isn't bad...I'm trying. I really am.